If you have been in ministry for any length of time you have had the moment or moments when someone comes up to and just throws up on you. What do I mean by throw up? Throw up is when a person who is ticked off, mad, misunderstood, cranky, ignorant (lacking knowledge) or just plain mean comes up and proceeds to spew forth words intending to cause damage to you or to someone else. When the damaging words are directed towards someone else this is plainly and simply gossip. When it is aimed right at you it’s mean and hurtful. Amazingly enough these throw up moments in ministry come from our fellow believers.
What is the deal with that? It should not be! I have never had a person who is not a follower of Christ approach me and throw up all over me about something happening in the church.
How do you respond when someone throws up on you? What is your reaction? What do you do when damaging words spew forth intended to hurt you?
If your church or ministry is going through any sort of transition be prepared because someone will more than likely throw up on you or on others in your church. People just don’t handle change well. We like things to stay the same; we want to be in our comfort zone rather than challenged to move forward.
Spew moments happen. How would you handle this? How do I react?
- I could choose to spew right back at the person and be just like them.
- I could talk down to this person and use hurtful words just to hurt them right back.
- I could stop them from throwing up when the launch is aimed at someone else by telling the person I don’t participate in gossip.
- I could vent on someone else rather than bite the person’s head off.
- I could stop and realize that this person obviously doesn’t get it.
- I could stop and realize that this person is afraid of change and insecure.
- I could consider that this person may be having a bad day and I just happen to be the wrong person in the wrong place at the wrong time.
- I could consider that this person may be struggling with some sort of emotional issues.
- I could consider that the individual doesn’t understand the big picture and is truly focused on their own life and no one else’s. “It’s not about me” is not their slogan in life.
- I could consider that this person has never been taught how to allow the Holy Spirit to control their emotions and feelings.
- I could consider whether or not their beef is legit.
- I could stop and pray for the person or even pray with the person.
- I could choose to let it roll off my back and forget about it.
- I could attempt to talk with the individual about what they are so upset about.
- I could tell them that next time they need to throw up to throw up on someone else. Ever notice that some people seem to have a target on them for others to throw up on?
- I could just turn and walk away (I’ve done this one and perhaps it is my reaction of choice since I fear what I might say in the heat of the moment)
There are a whole slew of options when someone chooses to spew on me. I just hope and pray I handle it the right way when it does happen.
The church is people, and as we all know from personal experience, people aren't perfect.
Oh, one more, I could walk around in a poncho to protect myself. Perhaps the poncho is the shield of faith?
15 comments:
Who knows why people do that? "Hurt people hurt people". Usually it's because of a hurt or a perceived hurt.
But you're right. Often it's the eruption of a build up of selfishness and blindness to seeing the "bigger picture" around them.
Maybe at the next CREST meeting we could introduce the "Hurl Award"!
And then there is the literal throw up. I got puked on by a kid while working in my church nursery a few weeks ago. But you know...it was way less harmful than malicious gossip! Even though no one wanted to sit next to me in the service because I smelled like puke.
@davitajo - Nasty!
I always enjoy the trips in the van with the kid that knows he gets car sick but wants to sit in the back and not take dramamine and then reads a book or watches a movie. Then there is the constant rustle of the wal mart bag which drives me nuts.
Give me a kid full of hot-dogs straight off the swings in 95 degree weather any day. That I can handle.
Emotional throw up I DO not handle well...I will invariably internalize it and I know that's the worst thing you can do.
I hate that it has to happen to anybody.
I guess the ever present ziploc wouldn't help in this spewing situation, eh?
If you ever need a zip lock baggie call Bonnie.
I guess handing someone the zip lock could be your signal to them that you don't want to hear it.
instead of 'talk to the hand', you could say, 'talk to the bag'...tee hee.
if you want to see Bonnie hurl, start talking about ear wax removal...
Who DOESN'T want to hurl when you talk about ear wax?! That's almost as bad as someone talking about their fungal feet.
Even nurses have their limits.
Back on subject...
James 3 has great things to say about the damage done by someone's words.
you seen, Nate, even nurses think its wierd to be fixated on ear wax!
Sorry, Rick :(
Proverbs is also riddled with verses about holding your tongue.
Proverbs 17:28 is one of my particular favorites...as is James 1:19-20.
But I still don't like ear wax.
I've noticed something during my years in church groups. Most people won't admit that gossip is a problem...until they realize that people are talking about them!
Also, so many people camouflage gossip as "sharing prayer requests" or "venting". Regardless of what you call it, it can be hurtful and divisive.
I have found that the quickest way to diffuse gossip, when it is disguised as a "prayer request" is to look the person in the eye and say,
"You know, this is obviously bothering you. Why don't we pray about it right now?"
Stops 'em dead. Now, if they are hurling at YOU...I dunno, you might give it a try...who knows?
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