Communication shift in discipline

I'll never forget an event I watched unfold at Bush Gardens amusement park in Williamsburg, Va.  Now Bush Gardens, like most amusement parks, is supposed to be a place of fun and enjoyment, not stress and strife.  I was standing waiting for some students to check in with me and a family walked by, mom, dad, son and daughter, the perfect picture of the American family with one exception, mom and dad were yelling (I'm not exaggerating) at their two kids.  The son and daughter looked so happy to be spending this quality time with mom and dad.  I can't remember what they were yelling at their teens about but I do remember it was over something silly like a cheeseburger or something that really didn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

Now I don't know about you but when someone yells at me I do one of two things:

1.  Ignore them

2.  Yell back

These are my natural reactions and I'm sure that is the way most of us would respond.  I know that there are some folks that would respond by shriveling up and crying, those would be your more sensitive types (that's not me), but that is their natural reaction.  But what do you think these two teens were doing while mom and dad railed on them verbally in front of a few hundred strangers?  They were ignoring their parents.  They had shut down.  Mom and dad were wasting their breath and made themselves look like they were very inadequate when it came to their parenting skills.  I told them as they walked by, "Enjoy your day at the park."  I don't think they heard me because they obviously forgot where that they were in public.  (I couldn't resist)

Something I have discovered is that most parents that yell, I don't mean raise your voice to get a child or teen's attention, were yelled at as children.  Those of us that live here at the beach have seen these families at the Food Lion many times, they all stand in the cereal isle yelling at each other about cereal.  

First of all if you are a yeller you need to stop.  TODAY!

Second I think we as parents need to realize that as kids grow our communication style must change.  Ty's three so most of our conversation is me telling him what he needs to do, especially when it comes to matters of discipline.  As Ty grows older I'll need to communicate differently.  When Ty moves into his teen years I need to have conversations,  two way communication.  Are you communicating with your teen or constantly lecturing them?  I guarantee if you are lecturing them they are shutting out 99.9 percent of what you are telling them.  The trick is working in the same topics you would use in lecture form into topics of conversation, use questions and listen to opinions.

There is a great article on Crosswalk.com about this very subject.  Read and enjoy!