What do you do as a parent when your church has “no youth ministry”? I’ve heard this often from parents; “our church has nothing for youth”. I have also had students tell me about their church and how there is nothing at their church in the way of a youth group. So what do you do as a parent? Please comment on this, I’d like some information to help me when I talk with parents or teens in this situation.
I would think that as a parent I would want my teenager to enjoy church and be part of a youth ministry that helps me, as a parent, to disciple my teen. My line of thinking is this, if church is a boring experience for a teen why in the world would they continue to attend church after graduating and moving out? I would also want my teen to be place in a youth group environment so that they can have a chance to form connections with other believers their age. I remember talking with a student a few summers ago at a camp and he told me that he was it, he was the only teen in the church and that he didn’t like it. You might respond and say, “Well then bring your friends!” Why would a teen want to bring his friends to a “funeral home”? I have also talked with many people who consider elementary students as part of the “youth”.
Some thoughts:
- As a concerned parent be the catalyst to get a youth ministry team going in your church to minister to the students. Gather parents, concerned adults, and students together to brainstorm. Clearly define youth ministry as for middle and high school students.
- Decide what is important to you as a family. Is an active children’s and youth ministry important to you as a parent?
- Make sure you are where God wants you. If you are, then do step 1, if not, find the church God wants you to be a part of and make sure there is a healthy youth ministry there that assists you in discipling your teen.
- Talk with your teen about your church. Get his or her thoughts or opinions and input. If he or she says that church is “boring” find out why they consider it boring. It doesn’t mean that they are backslidden if they think it is boring. It very well might be boring to a teen. Share concerns with your pastor.
Parents, ultimately, God holds us accountable for the discipling of our children. What do you do as a parent when your church has “no youth ministry”?
11 comments:
This may sound harsh, but if there was no youth ministry, I would look for ways to get my kids involved somewhere that there was a youth ministry. This might include changing churches. When I first came to NHC, one of the main thoughts in my head was how important it was to provide an environment for my kids that would help them to grow spiritually. I have prayed for years that God would grow up friends for them that would help them on their journey toward God. It didn't happen overnight, but slowly those kinds of relationships are blossoming. These connections were formed at church, and in the youth group. My kids LOVE church...all aspects of it. I have yet to hear them complain about going. Not going isn't an option, but thank God, I've never had to force them. In fact, the ONE time (in 8 years) that we were camping close by, I suggested not going (LAZY), and my oldest looked at me square in the eyes and said, "...and why, pray tell, are we NOT going?" I didn't have a good answer, so we hit the showers and went.
I'm extremely grateful for the youth ministry that NHC offers, and the hours that are invested in the lives of the teens by people who get it...it's not about them.
Thanks Bonnie for the comment and input. I was hoping this would stir up some thoughts and comments.
I would love to hear from other parents of teens to get their input on this one. I'm trying to figure out some answers as to why parents would continue to take their children to a church that has no ministry geared towards their age or why the parents aren't the catalyst to get something going in their church?
...this might be going a bit off subject...but I think it's pertinent. If a family leaves a church for reasons that involve the ADULTS in the family, this can have a devastating effect on their teens. Though the "new church" might have a vibrant teen ministry, it won't be easy for the teen to assimilate into the new church, particularly if the church is farther from home and the teen doesn't know/go to school with the 'new' youth group. And cannot easily get to youth group.
I have witnessed this first-hand. Parents should pray and think VERY carefully before pulling out of a church because THEY have a gripe. Put your kids first. That is, assuming there is a youth group in place (in the 'old' church.)
yeah, it was off-subject, but I see this as a very big problem. Worse is parents who bad-mouth the church they've left to their kids. Those comments have a way of getting around. What a sad witness.
Barb,
My parents did that when I was 16. They got into a tiff with something the pastor said in a message that they didn't agree with. They pulled the family out of that church and went to a new church plant. What a lousy experience.
Three of us were teenagers at the time. Our very closest friends were in that church. In fact, I'm still close with them. It was a bad move. They should have dealt with the disagreement (years later they reconciled with him) and grown from the experience.
But what's a kid to do?
Sorry to continue the hijack, but Barb hit a nerve with me that is 35 years old.
Oh yeah. We went from a church with an incredible youth ministry to a church with no youth ministry. It works the other way, too.
Parents that church hop raise children who will church hop when they are adults.
Any Suggestion for a military family who moves every 2-3 years? I am one of those who also thinks there should be a strong Childrn's Ministry to go along with an even stronger Youth ministry. Our last assignment our church had both. This assignment the church we thought we would stay at for the duration does not and here I am, anywhere from a year or two before moving thinking of finding a new church for my kids sake...and then we will just up and move again...We have 3 boys, 10, 8 and 3 -And to be honest, my husband has 5 years left before he hits 20 years in, so we will be settled then, hopefuuly...I just worry about then now as children too...Any thoughts would be helpful. I love ALL of your family blogs and have especially sent friends to read THIS blog who have struggled with their Youth programs at their church...they all agree that you guys are ROCKIN'!
YIKES! I Apologize for all the misspellings/typos in my previous post! That is what I get for trying to type a comment at 7:45 in the morning without my glasses before rushing out the door with a pre-schooler! :)
@ Wendy . . . Military kids are incredibly resilient. Moving often comes with the lifestyle of our military.
I would say that you have to make the best of where you are at but if you still have a year or two left before moving and a strong children's ministry is important than I would do some looking. But that's just my opinion.
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