"What's Up?"

It’s sad to see a student who was once excited about their faith drift away and soon fizzle.  In youth ministry we see this all the time.  For youth ministers it can be very frustrating.  Sort of like a coach who can see the incredible potential in  a player but the player is not interested or committed to the team.

Some students don’t have Christian parents so at home there exists no support or encouragement for them to grow in their faith.  Their parents view church/youth group as a good thing but not necessary in their teen’s life.  The “head scratcher” is the parent(s) who wants their teen involved in youth group but the parent isn’t involved in church.  I’m glad they send their teen but maybe I should become bold enough to ask and find out the rationale behind their thinking so I can better understand where they are coming from.

What is even more mind boggling for those of us who serve in youth ministry is the church parents and the Christian parents who don’t encourage their son or daughter to grow in their faith.  The ones who cruise along in some sort of auto pilot while their teen’s life and faith walk is looks too much like a roller coaster.

Recently I have watched a few students who at one point had a passion for their relationship with Jesus Christ.  They would come every week to youth group and also to church on Sunday morning.  They were interested in discussing spiritual things and the Bible.  You could see that they genuinely enjoyed pursuing Christ.  If I were their parents I would have been their biggest cheerleader on the sideline of their life yelling, “Go!  You can do it!  Keep going!”  I would have been thrilled and would have done everything within my power and with the help of the Holy Spirit to keep them plugged into a community of believers.

To dwell on it, quite frankly, causes a couple of reactions within me:

My flesh wants to give the parents a “smack down”

Depressed because there is no parental involvement or encouragement (I’m guessing school teachers go through the same feelings at times) 

So what do we do as youth ministers when we see this happening?

• Encourage  
the student as much as we can

• Pray 
for the student and the student’s parents

• (this may be where getting older comes into play) Be bold enough to ask the church/Christian parents, “What’s up? and Don’t give me excuses or “smoke screens”.  (of course season this with caring and grace)

• Realize 
that we can only do so much as youth ministers.  Students have to own their faith and take responsibility and parents are accountable to God. (that takes some of the pressure off doesn’t it?)

• Pray
some more

Parents, what can you do? 

• Cheer.  
 Be your son or daughter’s biggest cheerleader.

• Talk.  
Strike up conversations about God and the Bible.  When your son or daughter is passionate about their faith they will want to discuss it with you and not look at you like you are some sort of freaky creature from some old episode of the original Star Trek.

• Commit.  
Commit to keeping your family plugged into a local body of believers.  Commit to bringing your teen to their youth group.  Commit to put eternal matters above earthly stuff.  An indicator that life is upside down in your home is when your teen never misses a practice or game but rarely makes it to church or youth group. Commit to living out Deuteronomy 6.

• Grow.  
Make sure you are setting the example with a growing faith.

• Pray.  
Pray with and for your son or daughter.

• Tell.  
Tell your teen how proud you are of their passion to grow in their faith.

Someone has to do it

Well my youth ministry friends I have to say this, "Someone has to do it."  This is my home:
Best Family Beach Vacation

Facebook Church?

If at one point youth held the more vibrant spirits of faith within the church, that may no longer be the case. As youth attendance at church drops, some blame new inventions like Facebook, which have dampened young people's sense of community.

Read More

Reasons

Reasons for your son or daughter to go to church summer camp:

1. Removal.  All the outside influences and distractions of life are removed.  No game boys, no texting, no media.  
2. Saturation.  Everything in their schedule that was removed is now replaced with God, Bible study, prayer, worship.  
3. Growth.  Because of the “removal” and “saturation” your son or daughter’s opportunity to grow spiritually is greatly increased.
4. Decisions.  Life changing and life affecting decisions are made at camp because of the Removal, Saturation and Growth.
5. Unity.  Just as we adults need that connection and encouragement that being a part of a local body of believers brings us the same applies to students.  Youth groups grow, youth groups gain momentum, youth groups become unified in purpose as a result of spending a week living out life and their faith together.  Friendships and relationships with other teen believers is VITAL to a teen's spiritual life in middle and high school.
6. Fun.  I’ve been going to camp now with students for 20 years.  It’s getting harder on the old man to keep up the pace at camp.  BUT I can, with confidence, say that camp is fun.  The students have a blast together!

So why wouldn’t you send your teen to camp this summer?

A Title Has Meaning

One of the perks of being in youth ministry is what we do is lots of fun (most of the time).  Concerts, trips, movies, games, food, camps, all of this is fun stuff.  

I have noticed over the years that there are times you announce we are going to ______________.  (you fill in the blank with some great event)  Then all of the sudden you have adults volunteering to go because “It’s fun!”.  Example, if I planned a trip to work on my friend’s camp in the Bahamas I would get immediate response from adults who want to “chaperone”.

No chaperones allowed, at Contagious Youth we don’t have chaperones.  You know that teacher at the eighth grade dance that were the incredibly tacky tie and the wrinkled shirt that lurks on the outskirts of the dance crowd?  Yea, we don’t have those on trips.  We have the “cool” teachers that the students love, you know the ones who get out in the middle of the dance floor and do their best “roger rabbit”.

There is a big difference between a chaperone and a minister.  When we go to camp this summer we build our team with youth ministers and not with chaperones.  Chaperones stand by and observe.  Youth ministers roll their sleeves up and dive into the middle of it.  We want adults who are not only willing but also equipped to minister to the students while at camp.

Some people make great chaperones but not all chaperones are ready to be a youth ministers.  There are times and situations where an extra set of eyes are nice to have along on a trip but I think it would be better to have those eyes attached to a person who knows how to communicate and relate with students.

While our youth ministry team or camp team is composed of believers with many different talents and gifts that they can use on the team their main role is to minister to students.  If I’m going to have a person drive a van full of students it makes sense to me the person can minister to the kid sitting behind her who is struggling with parents going through divorce than just a church member who has a good driving record.

For More Chaperone Thoughts click HERE

Safety

Safety is a huge issue and as a parent I understand the need to feel that my children are safe. I also understand that we can make youth group safe to a certain degree. Just like schools, you can't control every student at every moment. We can't control everything that they say or do. We, as a ministry, can only provide a safe environment. Youth group is open to every student no matter what background they come from or the baggage they may bring. Why? This is what Jesus expects and the model he gave us by his very own example.


Here is what we do as a youth ministry at Nags Head Church:
Background checks on the adult volunteers. Surprisingly I have run into parents who wanted us to do background checks on the kids who come to youth group. That is first of all impossible and not legal. If we carried that logic to it's end we would background check everyone in church on Sunday, we would check everyone our child goes to school with, we would run checks at the door of Wal Mart. We do background checks on every adult that serves with our students. This protects the students, the church and the volunteer. 

Confined space. We have a clearly defined space where our students are under supervision. Students aren't allowed to roam throughout the church building. We aren't clueless though and we do understand that even in a confined space a student can still say or do something in a moment that is out of our control.

Ratio of adults to students ratio of about 1 to 5. The more adult volunteers ministering to students, sitting with them, talking with them, hanging out with them, the better. Lone Ranger youth ministry is setting one's self up for problems. Does this mean we catch everything that happens? No, that would be an impossibility.

Correction and Guidance. If we see or hear a student do or say something wrong we step in and make a correction and give the students some guidance on how they should behave. The key is we, the adults, have to see it or hear it. 

Seasoned veterans. Our team has several seasoned veterans. It's great to work with others who have experience in ministering to students and dealing with teenagers. Experience is great but experience isn't "insurance".

Bully Policy. If a student is a bully or physically acts out they are put on suspension from youth group, each is case specific. We have only had to do this twice in 11 years. We try to work with the students but if they are a danger to another student physically or emotionally we have to look out for the group as a whole. We can't sacrifice the group for one.

Spiritual Safety. We make sure we only teach what lines up with our church doctrine and theology. Many parents attend NHC or bring their teens to youth group because they align themselves with what we believe as a church. For us to teach anything different from the church's theology or doctrine would be damaging. 

Love and encouragement. This is the "biggie". Students need to feel loved and we, the team, need to show as much encouragement as possible. Encouraging others doesn't come naturally to me, I have to make a conscious effort to be an encourager. Students walk through our doors each week who receive no love or encouragement at home during the week. We need to be that "safe" place where they are shown the love of Jesus Christ and encouraged in their life and faith.

Clear Expectations. We have expectations of students when they are with us at youth group or on a youth event. We don't have a huge list of rules and we don't run around like a drill instructor. Youth group has to be fun or students won't want to return and they certainly won't bring their friends if they feel like they are constantly under "the thumb".  Our expectations are simple and short. Where we may fail in this area is we probably don't review them enough with the students.  It's not something we want to "preach" each week but certainly want to touch on them occasionally.  Example: One expectation is no cell phone use unless calling a parent for a ride. If we see a cell phone out we ask the student to put the phone away.  If there is a continual problem we collect the phone and give it to them when they leave.  Our regulars know this. There are some expectations we point out along the way.  We don't expect a first time guest to "fall in line" with all of our expectations.  We also don't expect unbelievers to behave like believers.  We do expect believers to behave like believers.

Perfection.  We haven’t reached perfection in the safety area, not really sure that any youth group (or school) has either.  We do the best to our ability to keep students safe.  If a parent is looking for a perfectly safe environment for their child they won’t find one, even at home.  Sitting students in chairs in rows without allowing them to interact or have fun isn’t safe, it’s sterile.  Sterile doesn’t promote growth, sterile doesn’t have teachable moments.

What does your youth ministry do to be “safe”?

The Ultimate Team Leader (Part 2)

(read part 1 here)

Team leaders should give clear instructions. 
Jesus tells the disciple what to do next.  The problem is identified - hungry people.  The team is stretched - testing Philip.  The solution is discovered - Andrew’s crazy idea.  Now comes the step that the leader steps in and gives instruction as to what should take place next.  Jesus has the disciples go around and get the crowd of thousands to sit down on the grassy slopes.  Jesus doesn’t reveal every step of the plan to his disciples, he simply lets them know what to do next.  Perhaps through giving one step at a time Jesus is teaching his team to trust.

Team leaders should recognize the source of their team’s provision.
We don’t know if Jesus praised the little boy for being the only smart person in a crowd of thousands who is prepared.  We don’t know if Jesus shouted, “Brilliant idea Andrew!”.  We do know that Jesus took the time to give God thanks for His provision.  A good team leader is quick to point out to the team that the team’s success hinges on their trusting God and including God in on their team’s efforts and plans.

Team leaders should know how to delegate.
Jesus then asks the disciples to pick up the leftovers.  He does two things in this request:  Gives the team opportunity to experience God’s incredible blessing and provision in a hands on way.  He also recognizes the importance that everyone on the team serve together.

Sometimes as leaders we take on too much and then our team misses out on opportunity to use their gifts and talents.  I have found on many occasions that I was doing a task that someone else on the team could do and probably do better than I could.  When we delegate we allow others to serve and we can focus on what we are good at or what only we can do for the team.

Another interesting aspect in Jesus delegating is that he didn’t just throw out the command to the team.  Jesus clarified the purpose to the task he was asking them to do, “so that nothing is wasted”.  In delegation it is wise to let the team know the “why” behind the task that they have been asked to do.

So when your team comes up to a problem or an issue that needs solving make sure you follow the example of the ultimate leader.
> Address the Problem
> Look for opportunities to test the team
> Give clear instructions
> Recognize God’s provision
> Delegate with purpose

The Ultimate Team Leader

The Ultimate Team Leader

John 6:1-14

Jesus is our example, he shows us how we are to lead those who follow us, he shows us how to be a team leader. In John 6:1-14 we find Jesus and his disciples as they arrive on the other side of the sea of Galilee that they are followed by a huge crowd. In this passage of Scripture we get a glimpse out how Jesus led a team. We get to take peek at how Jesus and his team of disciples were going to handle a problem together.

Team leaders should address the problem.
Jesus presents the problem they are facing together, inviting the team to join in on the solution. Jesus points out the obvious problem to the team, “All these people have followed us here. It’s dinner time. How are we doing to feed them?”. Jesus could have just spoke the word and everyone would have had a bag of Chick fil a in their hands.

Teams will face problems or seemingly problems there is no escaping it. Things can move along smoothly and appear to be fantastic and that can quickly turn to an immediate issue that needs resolution. Jesus sets the example that a leader looks to their team to join in on solving the issue or working on the problem together.

Team leaders should test the Team
Jesus puts Philip to the test. Growth as a team can come from problem solving together. Testing creates opportunity for an individual on the team to stretch themselves, to search out a resolution, technique or system to solve the problem. A good team leader will put scenarios in front of team members so they can push towards finding solution and in doing so grow in skill as a team member. Philip was the team’s realist but we are about to see that Andrew was the team’s dreamer and every team should have a balanced mix of both.

Team leaders should listen to the team
Jesus listens to the team as Andrew shares, “Here’s a kid’s lunch with 5 pieces of bread and a couple of fish.”

Team leaders listen to their team. I would have said that Andrew’s solution was ridiculous, there’s no way that it would work. Jesus shows us as leaders that we should take the time and listen to those on our team, that is part of working together as a team. Even though we may be the leader we are still an individual part of a team and there are others on our team who have some good input to give.

To Be Continued . . .

Underage Dating

"You can follow them on Facebook – the failed attempts at love, I mean. Somebody is always changing their status from “in a relationship” to “single.” Unfortunately, a huge number of these disappointed lovers are too young to be legally married. I wonder sometimes if I am the only one who winces to hear a thirteen-year old speak with cavalier abandon of his or her “ex?” Since when is it considered healthy and acceptable for underage people to be in “relationships?” Just what do parents and educators expect to be the result of the romantic conquests of these middle-school children and young high school students? " Read More

The above is a good article about a problem I have watched for 20 years of working with teens. The constant dating and breaking up cycle sets up a pattern for their adult years. It desensitizes them and then when they become an adult it is easy to end a relationship.

Most parents, I find, don't have a plan for their child's dating future in place when their child is young, like early elementary. So when their daughter has a "cute" relationship with their "little boyfriend", the parents don't know how to respond when this cute relationship is months into it and obviously become very serious because their little girl has let all her friends get kicked to the curb as her life is absorbed with this boy, who she "loves so much". Then they don't know how to step in and draw the line as a parent because they let a seemingly innocent relationship go way too far.

You gotta have a plan. I do for my kids. And for my daughter . . . I own a couple of shotguns that I will sit on the porch and clean them if some boy starts to think he can hang around my girl. My daughter won't date a boy until that boy is spiritually mature enough to be her spiritual leader. My sons won't date girls until they are spiritually mature enough to be the spiritual leader in the relationships.

Every date is a potential mate. Who is your kid dating? Do you have a dating plan in place? If not you should seriously consider getting a plan in place mucho pronto.

Last Night At Contagious

Wow! What a fantastic outreach night. Every 4 to 6 weeks we have a night of youth group that focuses on the gospel. This is a great opportunity for our students to invite their friends to hear how Jesus can change their life.

We started off with a fun video. We are doing a series of "What is Andy doing?" type videos. Last week the students requested I do a search in Nags Head Woods for Goat Man, a creature of local folk lore. Lot of fun shooting the video and lots of fun watching the students watch the video.

Next we showed a video by artist Propaganda about the gospel. Take a look-see if you haven't watched this video before.

Ramon, who has been leading our middle school students Bible study, followed up the video with a great explanation about Jesus Christ and salvation. 4 students put their faith in Jesus Christ!! Three students who have been attending youth group for a while and one was a guest and it was his first night with us.

We now have hang time after our Bible study and POD (small group). Last night we enjoyed Frito chili pie and nachos. Students played ping pong, foosball, Uno and Monopoly. This allowed time and opportunity for our team to follow up with each student who made a decision. We are liking the Hang Time at the end because of the time it allows for follow up and for students to ask us more questions that are related to the Bible study.

The gospel was shared, 4 students put their faith in Christ, hang time was great. I would give the night an A+!

The Return on Your Investment

In youth ministry it is so easy to get discouraged when you look at a group of students who, for the most part, are spiritually stagnant. What do you do?

1. Go to the Word - are we starting with the Bible as our foundation to youth ministry?
2. Pray - Pray that your heart is right where it needs to be. Pray that students get a passion for Christ like they have never had before.
3. Evaluate - are we being effective in students lives?
4. Improve - find the areas of the ministry that need work and work on improvement.
5. Continue - continue to invest your time and resources in to their lives. Continue to reach out to students who don’t know Christ.
6. Realize - realize that all we can do if we are doing the first 4 is to continue to put the buffet our there. The students have to decide for themselves to pick up the plates, load it with food and starting eating. (somehow I feel compelled to use food as an illustration) Realize that we can’t force students to grow spiritually, it is a choice that they must make for themselves. Realize that not every students will be a Billy Graham. Realize that the students are a mirror reflection of the adults in your church.

Youth Ministry is like financial investment, sometimes you don’t see the return for several years.

This morning I stopped in a local coffee shop for a cup of the Tortuga Lie blend. I walked in and there was a young man standing there that looked familiar. It clicked for both of us at the same time. He said, “Andy right? From Nags Head Church?” I said, “Yep! And you are *Ted.” (thankfully God helped me to remember his name). Ted was no spiritual champion in high school. I noticed Ted had on a t-shirt that was the face of Jesus on superman’s body. I also noticed that Ted had grown a foot and a half. Then it happened!

The Return on the Investment.

“Ted” began talking about his relationship with God. “I strayed during my high school years and wasn’t in a good relationship with God. Now that I’ve graduated I’ve stepped back and taken a look at where I’m at. I’m going to church. I’m staying around here and taking classes at the community college until I figure out what the Lord wants me to do.” I didn’t even have to ask probing questions he just started sharing his story.

Boom! Cha-Ching!! That was the pay off!



“Ted” has no idea the encouragement that he was to me this morning. He has no idea the tears of joy our conversation has brought on me as I sit in my office and think about our “by chance” meeting at the coffee shop this morning.

Here is the deal. Over the past 20 years of working with students I have seen some go on to really be productive in their relationship with God. I have seen many, many more fall by the wayside. There are many who I have no clue at this point how their life has turned out or will turn out. You see change can happen when they are 18, 28 or 48, we don’t know when the investment will “kick in” and pay off.
BUT if “Ted” were the only one to have been impacted by our church’s youth ministry in the past 11 years (and he’s not) then the investment of the past 11 years of the youth ministry team of our church was well worth it.

SO . . . . keep investing!