The House that Personality Built

Everything is going great.  The student ministry is growing, students are getting involved.  Adults are getting excited about student ministry and joining the volunteer team.  The youth pastor is stoked about how well things are going.    Each week he is knocking it out of the park when he teaches.  Daily he is making contacts with students.  His social media posts are killing it.  The presentation slides and graphics he is preparing each week are really capturing attention during his talks.   The four major events he is planning for the coming year are on track as he looks at his calendar and makes the calls, reservations, spreadsheets and writes the curriculum needed for the events.



Then just as things are going great this youth pastor is noticed by another church who is searching out a new youth pastor for their student ministry.  After thinking and praying through the move the youth pastor turns in his two weeks notice and resigns as student pastor.  Now he is excited about the new plans he has for the new church and the move he is about to make.



Fast forward a month.  The church he just left cancels the event for that month.  No one is sure what to do at youth group on Wednesday evening.  No one knows how to plan an event.  Not one volunteer has any access to students contact info so they can continue making contacts with students like the old youth pastor used to do.  No one knows how to log in or use the social media accounts.  The video projector and computer sit unused at youth group because no one is sure how to make the slides.  The four major events are now on hold, no one is sure how to proceed.  

The student ministry goes on “pause” while they wait for the church to hire a new youth pastor to come in and pick up where the old youth pastor left off.  Half the student quit attending because their buddy, the adult that invested into them, is no longer there.

This is what happens when a ministry is built on a personality instead of built on vision and purpose.  This is what happens when a youth pastor fails to bring people on board in leadership and planning and mentoring.  The “do it all” youth pastor who felt successful due to everything on his calendar failed the student ministry by not equipping leaders, by not turning others loose to do ministry.

Steps to avoid the personality trap:



• Bring on volunteers to the team and equip them to lead.

• Focus on leaders just as much as on students.

• Don’t micromanage those who are given responsibility.
• 
Make sure adult leaders are investing in students lives outside of the weekly youth group gathering.

• Teach others how to plan and think through an event.

• Allow others to teach and share the message at youth group.
• Train and equip students and adult volunteers to minister.

Strive to build a students ministry that will thrive long after you are gone.  When the student ministry is built on the vision and purpose of the church the student ministry continues after the youth pastor is gone.


The Chaperone Syndrome

You feel like you just walked into a middle school dance.  You see them lined up agains the back wall.  They aren’t the tough eighth grade boys.  They aren’t the shy girls afraid to dance.  You just stepped into the youth room for youth group and there you see them, the chaperones.  


Here is the mistake that happens often in student ministry: we recruit adult volunteers and don’t cast the vision or make the expectations clear.

 When adults view their role in the student ministry as chaperone they miss out on the whole point of investing into students lives, making spiritual impact.  They don’t need us standing against the wall or in a small holy huddle.  They need us sitting with them, mixing with them and setting the example of what worship looks like.  They don’t need us serving them they need us to be serving along side of them.



I remember I once attended a youth group gathering at the youth pastor’s request.  The room was packed, big crowd.  Youth pastor couldn’t understand why it was hard to maintain some order during the worship time.  I told him, “It’s because your adult leaders are all sitting on the back row together instead of sitting in and amongst your students.”



How do we move volunteers from chaperone to student minister?



Set clear expectations.  What is expected from the adult leader?  How do you want them to interact with the students?  Do you want more than just a warm body in the room?  Do want them texting, calling students during the week to check on them and encourage the students, pray for and with them?  Do you want them sitting right in the chairs with them during the worship time?  Do you want them to take the initiative to take the students they work without to eat or meet them somewhere for a fun activity?



Create a job description.  If adults don’t know what’s expected and what their role is then they will just hang by the wall or in a little huddle.  BUT if the job description is clear up front they will learn and grow in that position or say up front, “Doesn't look like student ministry is my place to serve.”  In fact most people who don’t know what their job description is they end up getting frustrated and won’t last.

Give them training.  Once a year hold a team retreat.  Pass on great articles or blog posts to them.  Sign your team up for some great training like DYMU or watch LeaderTreks new training casts together. Pair the newbie up with a seasoned volunteer to shadow and learn for a couple of months.   Just don’t throw them in with the lions right off the bat.  We can’t force someone to learn but we can give them the opportunities.

Trust them to lead.  When I hear my middle school girls group leader is taking the girls out to a restaurant or our high school guys leader is taking them to top golf I don’t feel threatened in my position.  Repeat after me, “I don’t have to be at every student ministry event.”  Yes, if it’s a total group wide event and you are the point person you need to be present but we need to trust our volunteers enough to allow them the space to branch out on their own and spend time with students outside of our weekly youth group gathering. 

Have fun with your leaders.  Make sure a few times throughout the year you have scheduled an opportunity to get together with your leaders and just have fun, no students, no talking shop.  Laugh together, share with each other about your lives.  

Shepherd your adult leaders.  Be your volunteers pastor and let them pastor/shepherd the students entrusted to you as a team, as a church.  Pray for and with them.  Invest in their lives.

When I hear people refer to adults volunteering in student ministry as chaperones I cringe.  We need ministers not chaperones.  Students need adults who are engaged and invested into their lives not a group who make sure the rules of the event or gathering are followed.

When You Realize You Need a Reset

This morning in my morning quiet time I wrote the following:



Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.
Isaiah 41:10

Fear can hold us back from doing what God wants us to do. Sometimes the unknown of what lies ahead can be daunting. If what lies ahead is from God it sure can be daunting but if it is God's plan for us we don't have to be afraid because he is with us each step of the way.

Discouragement is a fact of life, it comes from different sources in our lives. Sometimes even other Christians can be a source of discouragement because they don't understand God's plan for you or they aren't comfortable with the direction God is taking you. But when someone or something opposes us we need not be discouraged because he is with us each step of the way.

Joshua 1:9, This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

Life is busy, life can be draining at times. I have seen many Christians fall to the wayside because they gave up. They felt they didn't have the strength to continue. Paul said this in 2 Corinthians 12:10, "That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong." Our strength shouldn't be found in anything we attempt to create in our lives. Our strength should be found in God.

I then get to my office and start thinking about some student ministry struggles and I became discouraged fast.  I’m a passionate person with strong emotions and it didn’t take me long, about a fifteen minute car ride to get discouraged.  If I’m honest I was even a little angry and ready to give someone a karate chop to the thyroid. (not one individual but possibly a representative of a group of people out of frustration and not talking about students here
)



I still don’t have the answer to the problem that caused the discouragement.  But two things happened.  I knew something had to change and took some necessary steps to begin the change journey.  Within seconds, literally seconds, God blessed that decision to begin the journey to change/improve and grow in student ministry, to hit the “Reset” button.  Seconds!  Faster than it took for me to get discouraged, a phone call from one thousand miles away.



Second thing happened about a half hour later.  I went to check a message on Facebook and there my eyes caught what I wrote just this morning around six-thirty.  “Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.”  



Fact number one:  This student ministry is not my student ministry.  It’s not my church’s student ministry.  This student ministry is God’s student ministry.  Belongs to him.



Fact number two:  I can get discouraged, which is my human nature taking over.  This discouragement doesn’t change the fact that the student ministry belongs to God.  So why let it get me down.



Fact number three:  When I start basing my effectiveness as a student minister on situations which I have no control of I am not as wise as I should be after fifty years of living life.



Fact number four:  Sometimes you have to step back , breathe, get with God and find out what direction you need to head next, and the changes that need to be made.  Hit the “Reset” button ;)

I'm Getting Refueled

I have been to the big national conferences. They were fun, I learned some stuff. But Refuel Retreat has been a totally different experience. If you get $$ to go to conferences or continuing ed I strongly urge you to check this out.

Here's why:
As youth pastor you are the point person, in the lead, the buck stops here, in your church's youth ministry. We cannot lead on empty. Big ballrooms full of free giveaways from youth ministry corporations don't matter. Break out sessions are great but not if you have no clue on the vision God has for the student ministry you lead. How can you lead others if you aren't leading yourself? Curriculum based conferences are good in helping you lead the curriculum but what if you are tired, spiritually and physically?

Wednesday I booked my airline tickets and my hotel room. I'm so thankful for a church that recognizes the value of sending staff off to learn and grow and connect.
This will be my third Refuel retreat. Each time I discover something new about myself and my relationship with Christ. Each time I come home with a road map, a plan, some direction where to lead our student ministry.

I have seen a huge shift in student ministry over the past 7 to 10 years.  In days of old to say we have youth group and pizza and students would flock to the church. In the past we would announce "sign up for camp" and students would sign up. Several years ago there were not so many different things vying for our students' time.  Families were not as busy as they are today.

I'm looking at our student ministry. When that 6th grader graduates high school I want him to know how to live out God's word in his life, I want him to understand who he is in Christ Jesus, I want him to realize his connection to the church and serving Christ. That's the kid who will go off to college and connect with a local church and continue growing in his faith.

How is that going to happen? Deep discipleship, someone(s) walking along side of the student challenging them in their faith, investing in their life, holding them accountable. Not every student wants this or is willing to do what it takes to be discipled. But there are some in every student ministry who are ready and those are the students who will be future leaders in the church, serving, on mission, making a difference in the world.  We only get our students for two hours a week at student church.  What are we going to do to make the most of that time?

“But Andy, if we focus on discipleship who students won’t evangelize.”  I agree that their has to be balance in fellowship, discipleship, mission, ministry.  I also know that a fully devoted follower of Christ, a disciple, will share their faith with others.



In order to lead this type of change in student ministry from event driven, youth group hanging out time, to purpose driven discipleship focused I need wisdom and guidance, I need my thinking challenged, and I'll experience this at Refuel Retreat.

Who wants to join me at Refuel Retreat?

My Mission Trip Experience

I just returned last week from the island of Eleuthera.  On the island there is a Christian sports camp, Camp Bahamas.  Camp Bahamas is reaching Bahamian youth with the love of Jesus Christ and the gospel.  The nation of the Bahamas is in what I would call a dangerous position.  Last year seventy-five percent of all child-births were to singe moms.  75%!!  Sixty-five percent of the nation is under the age of 25.  I look at those two stats and see a nation’s strong need for Christ, young men need to know what it is to be a father, and as the pastor in the Bahamian church we attended said, not the “village ram”.  



Our student ministry now has three trips under our belt to this little island of rock and coral.  I witnessed our students’ lives impacted once again by witnessing children living in poverty.   Our team worked hard at the camp helping the staff get ready for their camp that starts next week.  In the afternoon our students led an outreach in the local settlement park, like a mini vbs.  Great experience for our team and I’m praying they bring that heart for serving back home and think of ways they can do similar things in our own community.

Each evening we had our team meeting and devotion/worship time.  I asked the students on the last night to share some things they learned about themselves, spiritually, impactful, etc.  This of course caused me to think about myself and what I learned.



I had a few days on the trip where I didn’t feel well at all.  I couldn't do much of anything for a few days of the trip.  For me, personally, this was very hard.  I didn’t want to sit and watch our team working and do nothing myself.  When you are on an island with no hospital or doctor you really have to listen to the advice of the camp nurse.  So sitting in the shade and “supervising” is what I was told to do.  When this was going on I was frustrated and disappointed.

On the last day I was thinking about the trip and evaluating the week.  I came to three realizations:



1.  I’m dependent on God.  I was in a position where the only thing I could do was to depend on Him.  I was out of control of what was going on in my body.  I couldn’t run up the road to the doctor’s office.  I was, as I always am, totally in His hands and dependent on Him.



2.  When we build ministry teams on our own personality rather than build a team of leaders we set ourselves up for crisis.  Our team had several team meetings over several months.  We covered: unity, flexibility, focus, discovering how God has wired us to serve and lead.  The result of these meetings and training was a team that jumped in and did what needed to be done without being under someone’s thumb or waiting for me, as their leader, to call all the shots.  Our team was a team of leaders and our students excelled in doing what needed to be done.


3.  Team chemistry is vital to success.  For the most part our team functioned in unity and worked together.  On every mission trip by Wednesday (mid-trip) everyone is tired, exhausted and this can play into how we respond and react to each other.  We had a short team meeting after lunch on Wednesday to remind everyone to respect each other and be aware of our own emotions and how we respond to others on the team.  When on the mission field in another country or even here at home, those we are serving and working with are watching how we interact and treat each other.  It’s important they see Christ in all we say and do.


Your Summer Ministry Checklist

Welcome to summer, everyone! For most of us, summer is a super busy season filled with camps, mission trips, amusement park days, retreats, service projects….the list goes on. We love these events, but they require a huge time investment on top of our normal planning and weekly programming. With all the busyness that comes with this wonderful season of sunshine and pool parties, let’s make sure we don’t forget what’s most important.

Read more of my recent blog post for LeaderTreks

What's in it for the church?

Keanae Congregational Church, Keanae, Maui, Hi.

Whenever someone is trying to sell me one something I naturally ask “what’s in it for me?”.  Same goes with your church.  You may be in a church culture that has been solidly rooted in the idea that the staff does the ministry.  “I drop my money in the plate each week so we can pay you to be the one that stays up all night with the middle schoolers at a lock in.” 



I had the great blessing of living on Maui for several years.  A person may not understand  the attraction of going to Maui but if I pull out the photo album and start showing pictures of Maui the person will go “oooohhhhhh.  I want to go there.”  There is an attraction to the tropical especially when we start showing pictures of palm trees and crystal blue water and drinks inside of a hollowed out pineapple.  

Same thing can happen with student ministry once we start painting a picture of what student ministry is about.  People often think of us like cruise directors, we plan all the fun.  We need to share the stories of life change so the church can buy into more than just financing our position but invest time and talent/giftedness into students’ lives.



Active volunteers on a student ministry benefits the church.  Our church is healthier when we are serving.  We are taught in the Bible that we are expected to serve one another and we can’t be healthy as a body if we aren’t following God’s command to serve.  So the church will experience spiritual growth as our members roll up their sleeves and dive into ministry and that’s huge!

It will benefit our church by improving our reputation in the community.  When your town hears about, sees, and finds out that you have a group of adults who are investing each week into the lives of teens your church will be viewed differently by those you are hopefully attempting to reach.  When parents, not connected to a church, hear that your church is heavily invested in making a difference in teenager’s lives this will make your church more attractive to those parents.  Your church will benefit by growing.

There is the benefit to the church that involvement brings.  When a team serves together there are relationships built and fellowship happens.  Involvement is like a glue when it comes to keeping people from sliding out the back door of the church.  The tighter the team is, the stronger those relationships grow then the stronger the church will be.  Better involvement is what every pastor wants to see in the church body.  As you build your team other ministries in the church will take notice of what is going on and it can become infectious.  Soon the other ministries want the same type of fellowship that is built among the student ministry team.



Team building benefits the church because it boosts spiritual growth.  As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend. (Proverbs 27:17)
As team members discover the joy of using their spiritual gift in the church the team members grow stronger in their relationship with God.
As team members realize their passion and see their passion expressed and involved in changing lives they grow stronger in their relationship with God.
As team members realize that the abilities they have acquired through life can be used to impact a teenager’s life they grow stronger in their relationship with God.
As a team members personality starts to shine through and be used to influence students for Christ the team members relationship with God grows stronger.
A team member, who as a child experienced the heartbreak of watching their parents split up, sits down and cries with and prays with a student who is experiencing the same grief in their life and the team member realizes that God can use them to help bring healing to a student that team members relationship with God grows.
As individuals in the church grow spiritually the local church grows stronger. 

The student ministry team can influence the impact and spiritual health of the entire church body.

Distractions

I find it so easy to get sidetracked.  I sit down to the computer to do write a message for student church then I find myself ten minutes later reading an article about manatees and the Florida Everglades.  How does this happen?  It is so easy to lose focus in life.  We are being bombarded with distractions.



I have found, in my past 25 years of church leadership, that Christians (self included) can get sidetracked and lose focus of what truly matters.  It’s easy to get in debates about things that in the end won’t change eternity.  It’s easy to allow emotions and feelings to move the focus from our purpose of sharing Christ to a self pity-party. 


Christians get side tracked by what this author says or did, by the color of the church’s new carpet, chairs vs. pews, small groups vs. Sunday school, music styles, and the list could go on and on. 

I get quickly sidetracked by complaints that have absolutely no impact on eternity. 

How do we keep from getting sidetracked?



Remember your purpose.  Why am I here?  What has God called me to do?  How have I been uniquely created and equipped by God to do what He wants me to do?  



Regain focus.  Quit looking over there when you should be looking towards Christ.  Satan is going to throw distractions at us left and right because he doesn’t want Christ followers to be successful in reaching others with the life changing good news of Christ’s sacrifice and God’s love.  Quit focusing on self and focus on the Savior.

Remind others.  Remind those around you and who you serve with that if something doesn’t impact eternity you are not going to waste your time with it.  Arguments, debates, styles of worship, the temperature of the fellowship hall.  Life is too short and our task at hand is huge.



Robing.  (sorry I wanted to write “suit up” but just had to use another “R”)  

Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.

Ephesians 6:11
The best way to take out the enemy is to infiltrate and attack from within.  The devil is no dummy and he uses this technique to his advantage.  Often I find myself getting sidetracked by other believers, usually it is due to unchecked feelings and emotions.  It’s by not living under the control of the Holy Spirit and the result is living lives that don’t display the fruits of the spirit.  We have to be ready for attack and remember that the attack isn’t on us personally, the attack is for who we stand for and for focusing on our purpose.

Life is Hard

Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.
Romans 12:12

Romans 12 is a great chapter full of what I would call a "to do" list. You should read it.

Life is not easy. It doesn't take long living this life to realize we will have times that hard. Sometimes it is our own fault and the result of decisions we have made. There are consequences to our actions and choices. Sometimes life is hard and we go through a tough time and it's no fault of our own. There are times that our struggle comes from the outside and we have no control over it.

This verse tells us what to do in those times. Here is the recipe:
1. Rejoice. Not put on a fake happy face and pretend everything is okay. Rejoice in our confident hope. We can, as Christ followers, rejoice because one day we will spend eternity with God the Father. When that day comes there will be no more struggles or trials of life. We can be confident in this because of the work Christ did on the cross.

2. Be patient. I'm the worst at patience. I can't stand waiting things out. I'm so bad that when I'm in the McDonald's drive thru I time them because I know it's "fast food" and they could certainly improve on how long it takes to get our order. As a society we are growing more impatient. We live in an instant gratification world. We must be patient during the tough times and understand that the One who we have confident hope in loves us and is in control.
God doesn't magically come along and pop us out of the trial.  We know that in the valley, the tough time, God is with us each step of the way and provides us His comfort and protection.  Realize He is right there with you.  Read through Psalm 23.

3. Pray. Not just once. Keep on praying. At the end of the day in our home I'm pretty tired, I'm the age of a grandad but I have 8 year old twins! Parents understand what I'm saying. At the end of each day our family sits down and we read a Bible story together and we pray together. I love hearing my children pray. My youngest is a praying dude. There are two kids he prays for each and every night, one is our compassion international child that we support and the other is a little girl who has cancer. Every night these two girls are in his prayer. He keeps on praying and as his father I love to hear him do this.
Same thing with our heavenly Father. He loves to hear you pray because when we pray we are talking to Him. It's conversation and what parent doesn't love having conversation with their kid?
This persistence in prayer shows God you need him and are trusting him.

Have you ever run out of gas on the road? I have once or twice. But there have been many times I've been running on fumes. Prayer can be the fumes that keep you going when you have run out of gas in life.
Life is hard and that is just a plain fact. There is no avoiding trouble and trials in this life. If you are in one of those life storms right now I pray you will put Romans 12:12 to practice. If you aren't in one of those storms keep this verse in mind because we all know the storm is coming.

 

When tragedy strengthens your team

We are so focused on ministering to students we can tend to forget to minister to our awesome volunteers on our team.

Here are some suggestions when you have a team member experience tragedy or loss, hard times.

Pray.  Don’t make prayer the last resort but make prayer your first priority.  Pray and ask God to give strength, peace, healing to the one who is suffering.  Don’t just say, “I’ll pray for you.” but pray with the person.  Great encouragement can come when you hear someone pray for you.  It’s nice to hear “I’ll pray for you” but praying then and there takes that encouragement to a whole new level.

Don’t worry about what to say.  My wife and I have experienced some tragedies in our life together.  As I think back what spoke the most to me was not words but the hug.  The expressions of love and caring.  Our words can’t fix the issue and there is always that danger of saying the wrong thing.  A good hug and “I love you” can go a lot further than well intentioned cliche’s and words.

Give.  Give time to help.  Maybe offer to clean the house, run the kids around, babysit for an extended period.  When someone is hit with a health issue that takes them out of work this often means they are making no money so now on top of the stress of the illness is the financial stress.  What can be done?  Cook meals, get your team together and cook meals and deliver them.   Meals they can heat up.  Go grocery shopping together as a team and stock their pantry and fridge.  I don’t know what you spend each week on groceries but I know at my house it is one of the biggest expenses (12 to 15 gallons of milk a month is about fifty bucks or more).

Don’t just offer to help.  Show up and help.  People often say “let me know if I can do anything for you.”  But when we are on the other end we sometimes don’t know what to ask help with or what to do.  So show up with a plan and do it.

We hate tragedy.  Tragedy can be a time that draws individuals closer to their Lord, tragedy can also be at time for your team to really step up and be the body of Christ.  Tragedy can strengthen your team.

The Holidays. What do you do with them?

We are heading into the holiday season.  I know, not Christmas, but April, May and June bring a few special Sundays.  We have Easter this weekend.  Mother’s Day is on May 14.  Memorial Day weekend Sunday, May 28.  Father’s Day is June 18.


Our approach to these holidays shows that we value family.

Students are busier now than they ever have been. 

Families are constantly on the go.  While I don’t think this busyness is healthy I realize that we as student pastors need to look for ways to minister and help families who are running in multiple directions at one time.  Canceling student ministry on those holiday weekends allows families to have some down time together, to actually rest and experience a sabbath together.



The volunteers in our student ministry serve every Sunday night, many of them also do some sort of ministry on Sunday morning as well.  We ask that their Sunday morning ministry is their secondary ministry that doesn’t require them to spend hours at the church on Sunday morning because they need to be back on Sunday evening for two and a half hours.  The holiday Sunday off for them allow them time as well to spend with their families.  This also shows our volunteers how much we value them and appreciate all they do in student ministry.

Honestly there are parents and volunteers in our church who wouldn’t miss if we still met on the holiday because some people feel such an obligation to be present even though in their heart they would rather be at home with their family on the holiday.



Ideas for these holidays:



• Encourage families to get together with other families for lunch or picnic, some fellowship time together.


• Meet at a park, very relaxed, no real plan and program, play some games together, picnic.


• Create a family worship pdf for families to do together on that holiday.


• Invite volunteers and their families over for a cookout at your home.


• Focus on your own family and relax.  Something we don’t normally get to do on a Sunday.